Bush’s First Year: A Quiz
Daniel Kurtzman, AlterNet
January 17, 2002
1. What prank did outgoing Clinton staffers pull on the incoming Bush staff?
a) They emptied out all the condom dispensers
b) They removed the “w” keys from the computers
c) They draped Monica’s thong over the fuselage of Air Force One
d) They modified the nuclear briefcase to be operated by a Game Boy
e) They pardoned themselves for committing all of the above acts
2. Which product did President Bush endorse during a news conference with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, when asked whether the two leaders had found they shared anything common?
a) Colgate Toothpaste
b) Gold Bond Foot Powder
c) Lubriderm Hand & Body Lotion
d) Obsession For Men
3. Which one of the following is not a nickname that Bush has reportedly given out?
a) Karl Rove: “Turd Blossom”
b) Colin Powell: “Baloonfoot”
c) Karen Hughes: “High Prophet”
d) Dick Cheney: “Waldo”
e) Vladimir Putin: “Ostrich Legs”
4. What did Bush say he was “very sorry” about?
a) Skewing his tax cut toward the wealthiest 1 percent
b) Packing his administration with Enron executives
c) Overworking Dick Cheney prior to his emergency heart procedure
d) Sending a spy plane into China’s airspace
e) Turning Al Gore over to a military tribunal
5. What did some Indian nationals announce they would do in retaliation for Bush naming his cat “India”?
a) Go to war with Pakistan
b) Sell nuclear secrets to Al Qaeda
c) Name their dogs “George Bush”
d) All of the above
6. What slight by the White House contributed to Vermont Sen. Jim Jeffords’ decision to bolt the GOP?
a) He was not given a presidential nickname
b) He was not invited to a White House event honoring the Teacher of the Year
c) He was not invited to a White House event honoring the U.S. Supreme Court
d) He only received a $100 tax rebate check
7. What food item was added to the menu of the White House mess at Bush’s insistence?
b) Fruit Loops
c) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
d) Tequila shooters
e) Arsenic-fortified drinking water
8. True or false: A group of senior White House staffers who convene each week to plot political strategy call themselves “The Strategery Group.”
9. Bush said all of the following about his tax-cutting rationale except:
a) “It’s your money. You paid for it.”
b) “A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness.”
c) “My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt.”
d) “Not over my dead lips will they read your taxes.”
10. Talk magazine created a stir by running a series of parody photographs that portrayed the Bush daughters as:
b) Rhodes Scholars
c) White House interns
d) Presidential candidates
e) Women of cover
11. After careful deliberation, the Bush administration released an energy plan calling for:
a) More oil drilling and exploration
b) More electrical power plants
c) More nuclear power plants
d) More coal-burning plants
e) All of the above
12. True or false: When asked by a child in Britain to describe the White House, Bush replied, “It is white.”
13. What was the name of the short-lived Comedy Central sitcom about the Bush White House?
a) “That ’80s Show”
b) “Who Wants to Be a Bush”
c) “W Smackdown”
d) “Bushie the Terrorist Slayer”
e) “That’s My Bush!”
14. Which of the following statements did Bush not make?
a) “Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.”
b) “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
c) “They misunderestimated the fact that we love a neighbor in need. They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the Commander-in-Chief, too.”
d) “I don’t want to run the risk of ruining what is a lovely recession.”
e) “The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.
15. Who begged Bush for a job in his administration?
a) Dan Quayle
b) Linda Tripp
c) Monica Lewinsky
d) Oliver North
e) Al Gore
16. True or false: After President Bush and his father donned hats embroidered with the numbers “43” and “41,” first daughters Jenna and Barbara were spotted at a Texas bar boozing it up while wearing caps numbered “47” and “48.”
17. Bush interrupted his month-long vacation last summer to:
a) Announce sweeping new measures to bolster airport safety and domestic security
b) Announce his decision on federal funding for stem cell research
c) Announce second quarter earnings for Bush Incorporated
d) Announce he had single-handedly decoded the human genome
e) Announce he had finished reading the Harry Potter trilogy
18. What folksy phrase has Bush not used in talking about the war on terrorism?
a) “We will smoke ’em out”
b) “We’re in hot pursuit”
c) “We will rid the world of the evildoers.”
d) “We will rid the world of major league a–holes.”
19. Enron provided Bush with all of the following except:
a) More than $500,000 in campaign contributions
b) Use of its corporate jet during the presidential campaign
c) Board members and executives to fill top positions in his administration
d) Recommendations for rewriting U.S. energy policy
e) His very own 401(k) plan
20. Bush’s 90 percent presidential approval rating has been exceeded in history only by:
a) George Washington
b) Thomas Jefferson
c) Abraham Lincoln
d) Franklin Roosevelt
e) None of the above
21. In November Bush signed a controversial executive order:
a) Legalizing covert executions of American opposition party leaders
b) Making it a crime to correct the president’s grammar
c) Allowing him to keep all the records of his administration and his father’s sealed indefinitely
d) Establishing a Ministry of Propaganda as a Cabinet level position
e) Requiring that all smart-asses who come up with presidential quizzes be reported to the Office of Homeland Security
22. What did doctors say may have been a factor in Bush’s pretzel-induced choking and fainting mishap?
a) Low blood pressure due to rigorous exercise regimen
b) High blood pressure due to war against evildoers
c) High cholesterol due to habitual snack food intake
d) Lack of oxygen to the brain due to genetic predisposition
e) Decreased motor function due to Budweiser
23. How did Bush sum up his first year in office?
a) “All in all, it’s been a difficult year for Laura and me.”
b) “All in all, it’s been a tumultuous year for Laura and me.”
c) “All in all, it’s been a fabulous year for Laura and me.”
d) “All in all, it’s been a hilarious year for Laura and me.”
Answers: (1) b, (2) a, (3) d, (4) d, (5) c, (6) b, (7) c, (8) True, (9) d, (10) a, (11) e, (12) True, (13) e, (14) d, (15) b, (16) False, (17) b, (18) d, (19) e, (20) e, (21) c, (22) a, (23) c.
Daniel Kurtzman is a San Francisco-based writer and former Washington political correspondent. He runs About.com’s political humor Web site (politicalhumor.about.com).